Well he’s not nice but neither am I

Yeah so… Everything with Eddy came to a halt. It was good for a few days and then I don’t know what happened. I got annoyed with him and well I let his step brother go down on me. At least one brother could get his dick up for me, right? I also accidentally made out with Carter in his kitchen too. Since things aren’t quite working out in my favor I think I’ve been a bit boy crazy. One of the first boys that I really ever started having casual sex with Zeke, and I have been talking again. But I do know this for sure, Zeke is bad news. He’s nice to me and treats me better than the rest of the guys but I know that he is kind of a piece of shit when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Its something I shouldn’t get involved with but his fuzzy hand cuffs really get me going.

Some good news is I got my old job back so I guess I’m kind of getting my shit together. I also have been taking my brother to school and picking him up so I’ve had some real responsibilities lately.

This all really isn’t as bad as it seems. I need to figure out what the fuck I’m doing though.



Is it really worth it?

The I have a story to tell and this is the story that made me create this blog. It was the inspiration in combination with reading something about blogs at about the same time all this shit went down. But here’s the thing, a few days ago when I first wanted to tell this story it would’ve been told in a completely different manner. It would have been full of anger and spite, although now I’m more confused than ever. And I’m going to continue to be confused until I feel like dealing with shit which probably won’t happen for a while. Here is some background info. I moved cities for my first semester of college and sadly after winter break I decided to move home. Most of my friends from high school didn’t even talk to me anymore, I haven’t spoken to many of them in month. With that being said last weekend one of my “best friends” Annie texted me about a party that another one of my friends was having. She only texted me because she knew I was going and she needed a ride.

I started the day hung over as all hell from thirsty Thursday so I had already decided that I could have a fun sober night. I WAS WRONG I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN DRUNK. I laid around all day until about seven or so when I went over to Annie’s place so we could catch up on our lives since we basically hadn’t talked in months. I asked her about the new boys in her life and she told me about the guys (there are multiple) that she is talking to now and she asks me about the guys in my life. I debated whether or not I should tell her anything at all but I went for it anyway. I mostly told her about this guy Carter.

Carter and I had slept together randomly starting way back maybe sophomore year of high school. Once I moved back for winter break he hit me up, I was bored so I went over to his apartment. We both knew what it was and we both just wanted to get laid. The sex was good and it was kind of fun sneaking around his apartment so his roommates wouldn’t know.We decided to just be fuck buddies again and continued sleeping together and it was all fine and dandy until one night he told me to sleep over. I would usually go home after we finished our business but not this time. I’m not a big fan of staying over night anywhere, I’d rather sleep in my own bed. That night we fucked then cuddled and then did it again and it was oddly satisfying. We slept in super late and all he said before I left was “My bed is so comfy huh?” After that it was fine until one day after we fucked we actually hung out. He even suggested we see a movie or something. I freaked out a little on the inside and left. I couldn’t tell you a single thing about his personality. We don’t talk we just have sex. But after that night I felt weird about it all. I couldn’t tell if I was starting to like him or if I was getting bored. I want a boyfriend but he’s not boyfriend material and I don’t think I could see myself with him.

I bet you’re wondering what any of that has to do with Annie, right? Well I told her all that stuff but mostly about how I got that weird feeling. I didn’t think I cared about him that much and I still say I don’t but what I did next makes me crazy and kinda means I do care about him. Here’s the catch, Annie and Carter use to talk, they even went to prom together. Its funny I have a picture of all three of us, we were in the same group. She didn’t say anything about Carter and I, she actually encouraged me she said he was a good guy. Fast forward to about midnight when Annie and Carter leave together. She also told him that I was starting to have a crush on him and all kinds of bullshit. I didn’t care that she left with him but I cared that she didn’t tell me.

The next night, Saturday Carter was going out-of-town to see the UFC fight and his roommates one of which being a really close friend were having a party. I went and so did Annie. My best friend Molly made me promise to be nice. And at that moment I turned around and scream, “So Annie who’d ya leave with last night?” It made her sad and she left right away. She didn’t try to text me or talk to me at all before that. I was so hurt, I  thought we were friends.

Come Sunday evening she texted me and we started to argue. I just don’t know why if she had a problem with Carter and I she didn’t tell me right when I told her. I would’ve cut everything off right then. This argument got ridiculous and hurtful. She was angry that she cared about him and I didn’t. I wasn’t going to admit that, that wasn’t true. But how is it fair that she “cares” about like 17 different guys. NEWS FLASH YOU CANT HAVE ALL OF THEM YOU HAVE TO PICK ONE.

To wrap things up Carter and I talked things out and then fucked, he called it makeup sex. This all helped me realize that all he’s good for is sex but I’m also sad that I lost a good friend. Like really sad. That leaves me with the question, is it really worth it?